Tay Allyn; fake-real thing or a real-fake thing?

I don’t want this to be a real thing but I think it might really be a real thing.

Tay Allyn is a name you might have heard around the intersphere today, maybe on BuzzFeed or The Guardian or Daily Life. She has released this God awful, so-terrible-it-must-be-fake video called ‘Mass Text.’ On the scale of 1 to suicide-inducing on the scale of terribleness, it ranks somewhere between the banality of Paris Hilton’s ‘Drunk Text’ and Rebecca Black’s pinnacle of 2011 pop culture, ‘Friday.’ It’s a slick, professionally produced video set in a high school – despite the fact Tay Allyn is clearly about 30 years old – and laments her crush/admirer/friend/boyfriend/something didn’t send her a text. At first glance, she seems like a bit of a bunny-boiler.

(OK on a closer inspection, his name in her phone contacts list is ‘Drew Crush.’ She’s definitely a bunny-boiler)

She’s playing with Barbie dolls (because that’s what the hip high school girls in Mean Girls did, right? Right?), simpering and being sexy into the camera, dressing up as a doctor and playing with Barbie dolls, simpering again, playing with a Paris Hilton mini dog, apparently writing the song in her notebook WHILE SHE’S ACTUALLY SINGING THE SONG (this shit just don’t make any sense, did you invent a time machine?), and even doing a Rebecca Black dancing thing with the two disinterested bored looking friends in the background.

A mass-produced EDM-lite beat, a cast of cookie-cutter high school kid extras, a truckload of teeth whitener and Autotune – on first glance I immediately thought it was a clever forgery of the Rebecca Black genre of daddies buying their little girls a few hours at the recording studio for their birthday. Case closed, right? Nice try, but not buying it.

But on a deeper inspection, it becomes a bit less clear. Rebecca Black hasn’t been around for near two years, and not much like her has popped up on the web, making a ‘parody’ version have literally zero currency and relevance. Secondly, Tay Allyn has a Facebook page that has been updated regularly… since 2011. She only has 240-odd fans (as of 9.30pm on 18/7/13). She also has an IMDB page, a Twitter, and a lot more stuff online too. Which makes it seem less and less like a fake – or, at least, it would have to be a very long-played, intensive and patient con. To work for two years, and establish a decent social media presence, for a video like this that would have very little social or cultural relevance today? Seems unlikely.

But then again, looking at details she revealed about herself online, it hints at a larger game afoot. Her website bio states she has been “chosen by Justin Timberlake and the new Myspace.com as a Top New Artist of 2013.” Some commentators have guessed that this might be a clever bit of viral marketing for Myspace. To be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised by this.

Whatever the outcome, this won’t be the last you hear of Tay Allyn. In about a week, you’ll be reading about her on news.com.au and seeing this clip on The Today Show – by which time, she will have lost all relevance and the internet would have moved on to some new talking dog or water-skiing beaver.


One response to “Tay Allyn; fake-real thing or a real-fake thing?

  1. I agree. The first time I saw the “Mass Text” video, I was like: “BARF! As if we need any more Ke$has, Double Takes, or Rebecca Blacks.” As for Tay’s singing, it makes Kim Kardashian, Jenni-Fucking-Fer Lo-Fucking-Pez (sorry for saying the F-word), Justin Bieber, and the women I’ve just mentioned seem like Adele, Barbra Streisand, Frank Sinatra, or any musical legend you care to name. Sadly, music like the kind Tay puts out seems to be the only gateway to success in the music industry anymore, but it’ll be interesting to see how long she’ll last. XD

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